One foot in front of the other...

...and maybe I'll get somewhere.


Long and Rambling Notes on TDW: Jessica Pontificates

So I'm back from basically nowhere! Mostly for you, Anne. I like you. Also I feel like you might discuss all the below stuff with me, because.

Disclaimer: I liked this movie. The first big chunk of stuff below makes it look like I hated it, but I’m just getting the bad stuff out of the way first.

when everything but the acting is a failureCollapse )


Long time away

So I've been kind of not on LJ, unless you count my secondary account where I keep all the Marvel notes, for quite some time.  I could say it's because of Tumblr, but mostly it's because I've been flailing and sinking emotionally.  I'm trying to do better.

Still getting adjusted to the new house (and still unpacking, because Jeremy has done none of it except once when I insisted he upacked a box of dishes), and getting used to having my best friend as a tenant.  Nice to have so much room for the cats!  I'm hoping to have the kitchen repainted if it's not to expensive, and definitely enjoying having an office again.

Other than that, no writing has really happened, and I've buried myself in the Marvel game because it's all I've got energy for besides work.  I got promoted, which is awesome, but it's also exhausting, and I rarely have enough spoons to do anything remotely social.  The exception is band practice because the band has a paid faire gig in June (!) and we're trying to be ready.  Will be visiting Laci in July!  :D

Just wanted to check in and let you guys know I'm not dead yet.

punisher 2

I only have ten minutes

Quick update on everything:

*Ended up essentially moving back into the apartment and will be paying 1/2 rent for January there because Randy didn't find a tenant yet anyway. Still closing on the 11th and spending every day moving. I just spent my entire lunch break at work moving things, and I'll do it again tomorrow. Thank goodness it's a 4-day weekened because of New Year's.

*Asked my aunt whether I should come out to my grandparents and she was all like, "Oh, Grandma already knows." O.o

*Didn't get anyone anything for Christmas and am a failure.

*Doing all the gaming things and trying not to blow up at Sal over it; had a kind of great heart-to-heart last week so maybe things will be better. Have officially moved up from Assistant Judge to Co-Judge because lbr, he can't possibly run the game without me anymore.

*My therapist is reccommending medication for my depression because it hasn't gotten any better in the last few months and has gotten worse over the last three weeks.

*Started a 'Thor' fanfic because my brain made me.

*Totally stalled on YYH stuff and it's making me sad.

*Really feeling bad about continually bailing on band practice but I'm so fucking busy with moving that I can't even.

*Why did it snow.

circle k

Housing Update!

So!  It's been a while since I updated, or at least it's been long enough that things.  Our financing went through, and inspections came back just fine, and we're closing on January 11th!  :D

Of course, this presents complications of its own.  We're two separate apartments + four cats, and the sellers are living in the new place until closing, and Jeremy and I are trying to avoid paying full rent for January for our current apartments.  We're having to scramble to pack all our stuff and find a storage unit to rent, plus somewhere to board the cats, and waiting to hear back on which days we'll have access to the new house's garage (we're promised at least a couple of days sometime before New Year's, but it's been nonspecific) so we can move all our furniture there.  Then it's time to freeload on family until we actually take possession of the new place.  We haven't even been inside since the second showing.


Otherwise, things have been quiet; had a great time today at my company's holiday party, despite that this is uncommon, because I got to hang out with really cool coworkers and take lol pictures with my phone.  I'm... not posting them here, because I'm only in one of them and I look terrible.  Getting off work early tomorrow (score!) so I can finish backlogged game work, and hoping to have a chance to do some baking with my mother next week.  About to start writing a new one-shot.  I'm busily procrastinating all the really important, deadline-having things that need doing within the next couple of weeks, because I'm waaaaaaay too stressed to handle that much crap and I'm trying to make Jeremy do it.  XD

I swear that when I'm inside the new house again, I will take pictures.

EDIT:  Oh, and P.S.?  I have played about ten minutes of 'Journey', and ohmygod beautiful and pathos and agh.  There goes my life.

kurama eye

On liking geek things while also being female.

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So.  Today at work.

1).  Get told by team lead that I have the option to do something; get reprimanded by manager for doing it without authorization.

2.)  Assist fellow employee in training someone because otherwise we'd run out of things for him to do; get reprimanded because "we need to have only one person training him."

3.)  Get shuffled to other area despite that area already having too many people.

The day's only half over.  I suppose it could improve, but I'm not holding my breath.

so mad

Still Failing

So I almost started writing something last night, but was curtailed by bedtime and then by hating it in the morning.  I feel like there's some kind of condition missing for me to actually get writing done.  Is it the utter lack of direct, detailed feedback, as I've been suspecting, because I evidently stall out unless someone tells me how I'm doing?  Is it that I need a change of venue, which won't even happen until January?  Is it that I've been sternly told to not jot down anything on my notepad at work because my supervisor has no concept of keeping one's mind clear so one can have some hope of maintaining proper focus on one's litany of repetitive, monotonous tasks?  Is it that I've spent all my free time obsessively re-watching 'Ever After' and writing HTML code instead of doing anything that actually stimulates me intellectually and creatively, because I'm too tired to do much else?  But there's Marvel, which does hit my creative buttons, and I haven't even written for that in a while (last night's abortive snippet was Marvel-related, though, so I guess that's not entirely accurate).  I did get a sestina written last week, although I'm not sure how I like it; attempts to begin more poetry have so far been unsuccessful.

At least I'm being productive in regards to game, even if my therapist says I'm clearly doing too many things and should stop volunteering for yet more things whenever I feel like no one appreciates my efforts.  (Seriously, you guys, this is what my master post for the game looks like.  I have a problem.)

IDK.  I think I just go through periods where I hate everything I write and think my descriptions are too maudlin or too stock and rage!quit out of frustration until something inspires me again.  Waiting for that to happen.

I really miss Adara.


Busy, Busy

I have so very much I've promised to do that I must resort to making a list of my lists.  I'm fairly certain this is not a positive sign.  @.@

I've also been trying to write poetry today, but I keep having a song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show go through my head for no reason, since I haven't seen the movie in years and didn't see/hear it referenced and can't even recall seeing a phrase that might have triggered it.  It is utterly shattering my ability to produce deep, meaningful, metaphorical content.

Housing things are getting down to the final stages; financing is due next week and I'm having a meeting with the realtor tomorrow to discuss the results of the inspections that concluded evidently today.  YOU GUYS.  HOUSE.  I'm worried, though, because I've been having trouble at work and I might be fishing for a new position because I can't deal with my supervisor's shenanigans much longer, but I don't want to jeopardize my ability to reliably pay for my bright, shiny new mortgage.  That, and I've been melting down just about every other day (with an uptick on the weekends because my days off are at least as stressful somehow, which idk when or how that happened), and nobody around me appreciates it, and I feel like I'm going to lose all my friends.  But I've still agreed to do all the things so I'm doing them.

Tomorrow will also be the first time I've seen my therapist in a month or so.  I have far too much to tell her.

EDIT:  Here is a picture of the house!  I don't have any pictures of the inside yet.  >.>  The car in the driveway is not mine (the sellers still live there at present), although it is funny because I drive the same make and model in a different color.



About Writing

So I haven't really written in a couple of months.  Why, remains enigmatic, but I suspect it has to do with having too many other personal projects and not enough free time, and also having what free time is available eaten by 'Agatha Christie's Poirot'.  I've had some new thoughts for handling Chapter 26 of CD, but now I'm rather afraid to contact my beta, to whom I haven't spoken since maybe July.

More nebulous than that is my Marvel writing, insofar as it's kind of not for human consumption anyway (excepting select, trustworthy humans) so it's difficult to know how it's working without the potential for direct feedback.  Poetry just hasn't been happening, although it comes and goes infrequently in any case.  I think I've been stuck on sonnets too much and need to get back to using other forms.

Perhaps this is why I've been depressed; I'm without my creative outlet.  Granted, there's Marvel gaming, which continues to be every level of superb, but writing both predates it and supersedes it in terms of its general cathartic properties.  Yet, I also haven't been reading much, which impedes my ability to write, and where will I find the time for both?  I'll likely just have to keep plugging away at the latter, and squeeze in the former as opportunities present, while somehow still managing to do my other projects and keep all my promises and juggle the new house affair (we made an offer which was accepted!  Now inspections) and in general Do All the Things.  Well; it might be slightly unfair to say All the Things, because Jeremy is also doing many Things and much of my workload is self-inflicted, but it certainly feels like it at times.

IDK.  Perhaps if I spend more time with my cats.  They're always adorably present when I'm trying to type anyway.

In other news:  why am I awake.  I do not have gaming for five hours.

evil pam

Because Loki.


This is going to be a disorganized mess of different, tangential Loki and Thor thoughts (with bonus Odin and Heimdall).  I'm exploring theories much more than I am following a coherent thread of overarching character interpretation as with the last two.

Also it will be probably a work in progress for a while yet, due to thoughts that inevitably refuse to coalesce until I've already hit 'Post'.

I can't even decide which movie I'm talking about anymore.Collapse )

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